Couple contemplating what to do after a breakup

Should You Remain Friends After a Breakup?

After any breakup, there is always a question of whether or not you should remain friends with your ex. And what you do in these situations is important. Your choices affect how your ex views you and how other people view you. It also affects your future options. You need to be decisive during and after a breakup.

Do you know the correct answer here?


The correct answer depends on the circumstances. In this article, we'll discuss the two possible scenarios. The first scenario is when she breaks up with you. We'll discuss the correct course of action when you want to leave the door open for future rendezvous and when you don’t want to see her again. The second scenario is when you break up with her. Again here, we will discuss the two possibilities of wanting to see her again and not wanting to see her again after you break up with her.

Let’s kick it off with the worst scenario – she breaks up with you.

She initiates the breakup

This is usually a tough scenario. Sometimes you see it coming and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes she reveals infidelity, and other times she remains vague with her breakup rationale. Regardless, a woman in most scenarios doesn’t want a heated confrontation with a male during a breakup. In fact, she oftentimes offers friendship to the man as she exits a relationship.

How do you respond to the friendship offer?

The answer depends on whether or not you want to see that woman again. If you want to leave the door open for a possible future rendezvous, you must never accept the friendship offer. Instead, you must calmly and confidently explain to her that you have plenty of friends already. You also think it would be disrespectful to the other women you will be dating in the future to continue talking with your ex (her).

Her friendship offer is nothing more than a test. She wants to see if you will willingly “friend zone” yourself. If you do, you prove to her that you are a low value man. You don’t deserve her. In her mind, a real man, one that deserves her, would never friend zone himself. If you stay in her friend zone, you lose value in her eyes, and in the eyes of every woman that observes this behavior.

A woman sits alone after a breakup

Women don't want any man that's in another woman's friend zone

So, this is why you must reject her friendship offer. Let her know that you have enough friends and you wish her well. She can contact you again if she decides she would like to be involved again romantically. That’s all you’re interested in.

Rejecting her friendship offer is the single best way to re-attract her to you. She will be surprised by your rejection and it gets inside her head – she will question her decision to break up with you. You’re not acting like the low-value man she thought you were.

You don't want to see her again

Alternatively, what if you don’t ever want to be with her again – should you accept her friendship offer? Again here, you should politely and confidently decline her offer. Explain to her that you will no longer be in contact with her. You will also be unfollowing/unfriending her on all social media. It’s not out of spite, it’s just to make a clean break and to be fair to the other women you will be dating.

It’s important that you follow through with everything mentioned above. You need to get that woman out of your life; your real life and your virtual life on the internet. Remaining friends after a breakup only opens up the door for problems. You may see her angry post about her “stupid ex” or her happy post about her new “best boyfriend ever”. Seeing this will only fluster you.

There is also the possibility that you will post something to anger your ex. In such a case, she is likely to attack you directly or indirectly in a passive aggressive way. You see, there is simply no upside to remaining connected digitally to a woman you don’t want to see any more.

A man sits alone after a breakup

You initiate the breakup

This is usually a much less troubling scenario since you’re in the driver’s seat. You made the choice to break up with her. Now, it’s up to her how she responds to this. She may go nuclear, or she may try to hold on to you. You must remain strong in your decision to break up with her even if she pleads with you to reconsider. You look very weak if you allow her to manipulate you in this way.

Your male instincts will work against you here since you’re programmed to help a woman in distress – don’t be weak.

After you handle her objections to you dumping her, she may very well offer her friendship. Depending on the woman, she may also offer continued access to her sexually. The friendship offer is actually an attempt to put herself in your friend zone. What do you think of a woman that would voluntarily do that? Yup, that’s the same way a woman thinks about you when you friend zone yourself.

Do you really want to see her again?

In this scenario, you have to ask yourself if you want to ever “see” this girl again. If you decide you want to continue seeing her for sexual purposes, you must understand you’re playing with fire. You have to expect duplicitous behavior on her part. This is when women are prone to using sexual access to manipulate you.

It’s also possible that she reaches into her bag of tricks in an attempt to get you back. One of my favorites is the pregnancy scare. She either get’s herself pregnant intentionally, or she just tells you she’s pregnant, in an attempt to shame you back into the relationship. I’ve witnessed multiple friends go through this scenario; it’s common. Make sure you always use protection with these women!

The last possibility is when you break up with her but you’re sure you don’t want to see her again. This is probably the most mentally healthy option after a breakup. You should handle this possibility the same way you handle the her breaking up with you when you don’t want to see her again. You decline her offer and politely explain that you are not going to see her, talk to her, or stay connected to her online. This is the only humane thing to do.


It’s important to be decisive during and after a breakup. Your choices and actions directly affect your future options. Making the correct choices will preserve options if you think you may want to be involved with the woman again in the future.

The biggest takeaway is that you must always reject a friendship offer when a woman dumps you.

This is an offer to enter her friend zone – real men don’t friend zone themselves.

(More advice on relationships here

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