The Thirsty Facebook Orbiter
The Facebook orbiter is the most pathetic man on the internet.
I know that’s a bold claim, but I’ll prove my point in this article. What’s so pathetic about the thirsty Facebook orbiter? They orbit in an attempt to attract a woman, but their orbiting behavior actually repels all women – it’s totally self-defeating behavior. Orbiting has never been a successful method to attract women and it never will be.
These orbiters attempt to form a romantic connection with a woman that is usually totally unaware of his existence. He thinks liking her pic and leaving a thirsty comment is a legitimate way to flirt. Why would a man shower attention on a woman that doesn’t even know he exists? This shotgun approach is misguided at best. It's pathetic and cringeworthy at worst.
To better understand the Facebook orbiting phenomenon, let’s explore the mind of the orbiter – why does he orbit and what does he expect to gain? Then, let’s look at the female part of this equation. Who are the women that attract orbiters and why do they encourage this behavior? Finally, we’re going to talk about your orbiting behavior, and why you need to knock it off.
Inside the orbiter's mind
The standard orbiter is a beta male at heart. He wants a woman, but has no idea how to get one. He internalized every bad idea society told him about attracting a woman:
1) Be really nice to her. 2) Compliment her all the time. 3) Give her all your attention. 4) Do nice things for her (provide for and take care of her).
He thinks that he will attract women if he does these things. This is not correct.
True to beta form, the thirsty Facebook orbiter is afraid to approach a woman in the real world. He lacks self-confidence and is terrified of rejection. This is exactly why he uses a virtual world, Facebook, to find and “attract” a woman. Facebook allows him an opportunity to “interact” with women he would never have the guts to approach in real life.
It all starts with a friend request. He sends a friend request to a beautiful woman on the internet and she accepts.
This acceptance means something to him - he equates it to successfully approaching a woman in real life. In his mind, this is a win, and it feels good. In reality, this means absolutely nothing to the woman that accepted his request. She accepts orbiters routinely and they are nothing to her.
The "likes" and the comments
Now that he is friends with the woman, the orbiter is ready to try out his beta game. Society told him to be nice to her and compliment her, so he does just that. He combs through her hundreds of pics and posts and determines the best ones to comment on.
But, how will he stand out from the rest? Her posts have hundreds of likes and comments. The answer is usually this: be bolder, use all caps, use emojis, and maybe throw in a Gif or a meme. Yup, that should do it.
This is a weird beta attempt at peacocking - he is attempting to standout and look different.
But it doesn’t end here. Nope. Society also told him to give her all his attention and to do nice things for her. And the thirsty beta orbiter is more than ready to do both of these things. He gives her attention by liking every single thing she posts. Within an hour of her posting something, he is there to like it – maybe he will even throw in a thirsty comment or two.
Doing nice things for her
That leaves us to the pinnacle of his beta game: doing nice things for her. This encompasses many different types of behavior. It can be as simple as bravely defending her honor online when she claims someone crossed her, or it can literally mean doing something for her in real life.
This is the most cringeworthy aspect of Facebook orbiting culture. It usually starts with a woman acting as a damsel in distress. She may make a post asking if anyone “knows anything about fixing cars, or home repair”. Then she waits for her army of orbiters to start chiming in.
In their efforts to outdo one another, one of them will surely DM her and offer to fix (or pay to fix) whatever she needs fixed. The orbiter that gets picked to do work for her actually feels lucky to be picked.
In his mind, he has earned brownie points for his good deed.
The worst stuff
Other disgusting behavior you see on Facebook includes women starting “go fund me” pages to extract money from their orbiters. Admittedly, this is more rare, but I believe it will become more and more common.
They don’t even need a good reason – often, they just want to fund a trip or something similar. Other times, they make up some sort of reason that you should give to them. They will tell the world that something tragic happened to them and the only way to make things better is for you to give them money.
It may look something like this:
“Poor me. My car broke down and I have no way to get to my job on the other side of town. I’ll surely lose my job and then my kids are going to starve. It’s so hard being a strong, independent woman. Please visit my go fund me page and contribute to my car repair fund so that my children won’t starve. It’s for them, not me”.
This type of behavior is just as cringeworthy to me as the orbiter behavior - it's just gross.
This is an appropriate time to segue to the female part of the equation. As we just saw, there are definite benefits for a woman to have orbiters.
Inside the woman's mind
It’s common to see a woman complain online when one of her beta orbiters acts awkwardly or straight up inappropriately. But, make no mistake, she loves her thirsty followers. She doesn’t really love them as individuals though, she simply loves the attention they give. Why else would she accept friend requests from hundreds of men she’s never met? She wants attention and the orbiters are happy to give it to her.
The main purpose of the orbiter is to boost the woman’s ego. Her head swells more and more as she gains “followers”. This constant positive attention she receives is addictive, and she starts to feel like a celebrity.
The orbiter is invisible
The interesting thing about all of this is that she totally ignores her beta followers. To her, they are nothing more than adoring fans. She will never respond to her orbiters’ comments – especially the thirsty compliments. But, she will immediately respond to any female comment on the same post. See the attached pics for examples of this behavior. Warning: this is very cringeworthy stuff.
The women in these scenarios become absolute addicts.
They need more and more attention and the best way to get it is to post sexually suggestive photos… and then pretend like they’re not meant to be sexual photos. You’ve seen these photos before if you’ve ever logged into Facebook. High angle shots that reveal cleavage are always popular. They always get the orbiters riled up.
I’ve attached a pic that demonstrates this type of post. Her caption talks about how much she likes her necklace, but the photo itself is just a closeup of her chest. She knows exactly what she’s doing.
The most entertaining part of watching all of this is seeing when things go sideways. Things start going downhill when the orbiter attempts to escalate things; he normally does this by sending a direct message (DM).
Most of these females will never respond to a DM. There is probably a good chance that they will never even read them. It just feeds her ego that her inbox is always full of thirsty followers.
Beta male rage
The men that send these DMs expect a response. They have dutifully “liked” all her photos and posts. They maybe even did her a personal favor or sent her money for that great go fund me page she started. So, when they send that DM, they don’t expect her to ignore him. But she does. Inevitably, he sends a string of DMs. None of the messages get a response. He gets angrier and angrier as minutes, hours, and days pass, and still, no response. That’s when he blows up with some angry tirade and calls her terrible names. He, essentially, is having a temper tantrum.
After the orbiter embarrasses himself with the DM temper tantrum, the woman uses the experience to claim victimhood status. She will at the very least post a message about the experience and how some “creeper” she’s never met yelled at her and made her feel sad. She may even put the guy on blast and screen shot the DM and post it for all the world to see.
Enter the white knight
What is the response to her posting about this incident? You guessed it – beta orbiters and her girlfriends all give her huge amounts of attention. The girlfriends will tell her how great she is and that she doesn’t deserve that type of treatment. They may also claim similar victim status (I.E. this happens to me all the time). And, the orbiters behave in a standard way. They either apologize on behalf of all men or they turn into white knights and defend her virtue. It’s truly pathetic.
Now that we’ve discussed what’s going on inside the mind of the orbiter and the female, let’s move on to something a little more personal. Let’s talk about you, and your orbiting tendencies.
Are you acting like an orbiter?
You’re likely saying to yourself, “I don’t do any of those things described above – I’m not an orbiter”. I hope that’s true. But there are other behaviors, not discussed up to this point, that are borderline orbiting behavior. These behaviors are fairly common, and a large portion of men do them. The thing is, men need to stop it – these behaviors lower your value as a man and encourage the female attention-seeking described above.
At this point in time, I want you to think about all the women you are friends with on Facebook. You can also think about all the women you’re “friends” with or following on other social media platforms. Do you know all these women? Have you met all of them in real life? If the answer is “no”, you need to ask yourself why. Why are you giving attention to a female you don’t know and haven’t met in real life? This is the type of borderline orbiter behavior I’m talking about.
Other borderline behavior includes what you choose to comment on or give your “likes” to. Do you only like a certain woman’s pictures when they are sexually suggestive but ignore her ramblings about other things?
Do you white knight when a woman posts about some issue she is having with a man that you don’t even know? When you do this, you are feeding the beast. You give the woman a reward for her attention-seeking behavior. All of these behaviors are borderline orbiter behavior. At the very least, this is very beta behavior and it lowers your value as a man.
If you do any of these things, you should stop it immediately. You shouldn't be following random women you've never met before in real life. And, you shouldn’t be inflating their ego by hitting that like button and leaving thirsty comments. Finally, we all need to discourage other men from doing any of these things.
Orbiting is not an effective way to meet women. Doing this, lowers a man’s value. It also artificially inflates a woman’s view of herself. She may be a solid five (out of ten) in real life, but her thousands of orbiters make her believe she’s a ten. This behavior does no one any good.
Just say “no” to orbiting.
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