Man and woman holding hands

Should You Make a Woman the Center of Your World?

Behind every great man is an even greater woman. How do I know? Society says so. Therefore, you should find yourself a woman and give her your undivided attention.

You should provide for her.

And, make her happy.

She will make your house a home and help you go further in life than you ever could on your own. The support of a good woman is so important to a man that he should do everything in his power to attract a woman and keep her happy; his success and happiness depend on it after all.

This is what people say, but is there even an ounce of truth in it?

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There are so many things wrong with this thinking. Consider the following three points – from least to most important – when you think about this subject. 1) Men are not more successful when they marry a woman or find a significant other. 2) Men are not necessarily "happier" when they marry or enter into a long-term relationship - this idea runs counter to all available evidence. And, finally, 3) You make a woman unhappy when you make her the center of your universe. In fact, you lower her level of attraction for you when you do this.  Let’s examine these point by point.

You are not going to be more successful than you would be alone

The thinking that a man needs a woman’s support is incredibly prevalent in the western world. How many times have you heard about the great accomplishments of some man and then heard someone say, “their wife must be an amazing woman!”

Or, maybe you've heard something like this, “he wouldn’t have gotten to where he is without her support – she deserves at least half the credit”. This is totally insane thinking and it is verbalized millions of times every day.

There is a world of difference between actually doing something and being married to someone that has done something, yet we always want to tie the success of a man to the efforts of his supportive spouse. And this is done with zero evidence that the spouse has been supportive in any fashion whatsoever. This dangerous thinking is part of the logic tied to stripping men of their wealth and resources in divorce proceedings. How does a spouse or a girlfriend help a man become a doctor, or a pilot, or a lawyer?

Does she cook for him, clean for him, or tutor him? It’s unlikely that a modern woman does any of those things for her man, but even if she did, so what.

So. What.

Men easily do all these things without a woman

A man can cook for himself. He does all the time. A man can clean for himself, or he can hire someone else to do it - millions and millions of men do.

The idea that men are messy is the opposite of what I have observed my entire life. In fact, the messiest and most unsanitary people I can think of are animal hoarders. And according to research, women make up the vast majority of animal hoarders. This is not meant to knock women and portray them as "dirtier" than men. It is only meant to illustrate that men are not really the "messy" sex that they are portrayed to be. 

The point is that none of this (cooking, cleaning, etc.) is very valuable. Not even a little bit. A man can easily do all these activities in his spare time. He also has the option to outsource these activities for a small amount of money. Cooking and cleaning do absolutely nothing to make a man more successful.

There is zero evidence that having a significant other will make you more successful. There is ample evidence that it will negatively impact your success. Being in a relationship takes up most available free time, raises stress levels, and is generally distracting to a man. And, in man’s attempt to keep his woman happy, he oftentimes sabotages his own success.

How many men have quit school, changed careers, or moved to a new city in order to make his woman happy? Do you know how this turns out in 99% of cases? 

Badly. Very badly.

This leads us to our next point.

Married men are not happier than single man

The idea that a man needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy is something that society starts telling men when they are very young. Society pounds this into their brains both at school and at home. These ideas are also popularized in movies, in books, and in music. These are fairly straight forward methods of indoctrination.

Sometimes men aren't persuaded by the straight forward methods of indoctrination. And that's when shaming and scare tactics are used. For example, it’s common to tell a man that he should get himself a woman so that he won't become a “lonely old man”. It's also common to tell a man that he is selfish for not wanting to get married.

Then, there is the idea that a beautiful wife is something of a status symbol. The thinking goes, if you don’t have a wife, it’s only because you can’t attract one. Social media is full of examples of shaming men for being single. commentators refer to these guys as man-boys, afraid of commitment, and shirking their responsibilities. But, why are men today choosing to delay or avoid marriage all together?

The wake up

Western men are slowly waking up. They are waking up to the fact that marriage in the modern world may not be for them. These men have witnessed more than their fair share of marriages and relationships gone awry. And, what happens when these marriages dissolve, as they do in over 50% of marriages? Generally, divorce takes half a man's possessions, his children, and a large portion of his future earnings (potentially forever). Not to mention the fact that his ex will usually drag his reputation through the mud. The biggest insult is that 70-80% of the time, the woman initiates the divorce.

Is this what happy looks like?

And what happens to these divorced men? Unfortunately, they are two to three times more likely to commit suicide after divorce compared to their unmarried counterparts. And divorce is many orders of magnitude more difficult for a man than it is for a woman. This is easily demonstrated by a study published in the Journal for Epidemiology & Community Health that highlighted the difference in suicide rates between males and females. The study found that divorced men are ten times more likely to commit suicide than their comparable divorced female counterparts

All the above information indicates that marriage and divorce negatively affect men on a much larger scale than women.

This is not what happiness looks like.

Make her the center of your universe, and you automatically make her less happy (and reduce her attraction to you) 

When a relationship turns sour, as the vast majority of them do, you often hear that the man neglected his woman; she was lonely. Or, you hear that he smothered her. That’s kinda weird, isn’t it? Men give some ladies too little attention, and some too much. This is probably because men are given very conflicting ideas. On one hand, society tells men to be successful and to be a provider. This entails long hours at work in order to earn enough money to buy the status symbols that are so attractive to the opposite sex. On the other hand, society tells men to make their woman a “priority” and to come home early from the office to lavish their woman with attention.

These two ideas can’t coexist.

A conundrum

A man makes his situation worse when he takes the advice of his lady, and society at large, and makes her the center of his universe. A few things happen here. First, he starts spending less time at work and the gym in order to give her the attention she claims to want. She will greet this change warmly... for a few days. But, soon enough, she will start complaining again. Not only will she not appreciate being the center of his universe – it will repulse her. Why does this guy have so much time to spend worrying about her? And, as he skips out on work and the gym, his career is negatively impacted, and his physical health starts to decline. This causes a downward spiral that further stresses the man out. This behavior also makes him even less desirable.

Regardless of what she says, a woman actually wants a balanced, confident man. She doesn’t respect a man that does whatever she wants. No one does. It’s weak. When she demands all his time and attention, it’s a test. He fails that test when he gives in and gives her everything she wants. Do not ever make a woman the center of your universe.

It makes her unhappy, and worst of all, it negatively affects you.

Conclusion

Relationships and dating can be a lot of fun. A new relationship triggers all sorts of happy chemicals in your brain. This, combined with a lifetime of indoctrination, leads a man to believe that finding the right woman is a huge priority in his life. But, as we discussed, a woman will absolutely not make you a more successful man. She is more likely to be a hindrance to your success. She will also not make you happier in the long run. In fact, relationship stress may negatively affect your happiness.

Finally, always be skeptical when you hear that a man is neglecting or smothering a woman in a relationship. Most likely, he is naively trying to give her precisely what she says she wants. This is standard testing done by women. Do not fail the test.

Make your own happiness and success the first priority in your life.


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